My Mom's Reaction

CHAT WITH RONELLE (8 October)
I talked to my mom today. And on the spur of the moment I told her that we do not have any definite plans yet, but we are thinking of adopting a baby in a year or so.
Her answer: So what is wrong with you? Can't you have any more children?
I: There is no problem. It is just something that we are considering. And there are so many babies who need families.
Mom: Why would you want to do that?
I: Well, seeing all the children here in need...
Mom: In [that country]? Do you mean to tell me you want to adopt a black baby?
I: Yes...
Mom: You can't do it! You can't do it to your children! You are going to teach Harry that it is okay to marry a black person! You are going to teach him that there is no difference between white and black! You will see, he is going to get married to a black girl! You can't do this to your children. What is wrong with you!

I was absolutely speechless. I expected that she would have reservations. I did not expect this. She continued: Can't you adopt a white baby in South Africa?
I: Because we are not resident there at the moment we are not allowed to. Even if we were there, we would also adopt a black baby, the waiting list for a white baby is about 5 years.

She and my dad phoned me later. My father was calm and asked me about why I am considering adopting a baby. She was in tears, finally saying: If you adopt that baby, you will not bring her to my house! You will not be welcome here anymore!

OH MY...

I could not believe what I was hearing. The rest of the evening I was in a state of disbelief. She has never shocked me like this before. I could not believe that she would say something like that. I could hear that my dad tried to take the phone from her halfway through, but she refused and told him: No, I am going to tell her what I really think! Can you believe that?

REPLY FROM RONELLE
Oh no. This is very bad. And I am surprised by your parents. I would not have expected it. It's not as if we are in the middel of the previous century... I feel so sorry for you. Because, whatever happens in the future, it sounds like she has burned a "mother-bridge"? Don't know if that can be repaired... It does sound as if your dad is more reasonable?

REPLY TO RONELLE
Yes, my dad seems to be more reasonable. Although, perhaps I am just defending him now, he did say "things like this never work out". But I think he realised that he may be talking about a future child of mine, and that whatever he says, it will be remembered. Could we talk again later, I have to go, Henry is here. I have to go cry on his shoulder.

REPLY FROM RONELLE
Sure. Well, in my opinion, all that you can do is wait a while for everything to fall in place in yourself, your head and your heart... I am thinking of you. I think what you want to do is great. Don't give up. But you also don't have to hurry. Chat again later.